in Oscar's architecture of huge fields of nothing but grass and concrete... at least Curitiba isn't a hot spot like Brasilia but i have been there once and how creep his path choices were! not even a single tree and despite the rant, i still fantasize meeting Giovanna in one of his places
(photo of the bench i still need to shoot)
i know, i should be over her but sometimes when loneliness hits late at night, i can't help myself and hug a blanket and fake i'm with someone. i still didn't addressed treating this with any mental exercise, like an active deviation of thoughts or substituting the giovanna-target to someone like the new-neighbor that just came to live here (she's a bit old) or a Russian-traits mom (Yasmin's mother) or i-don't know. if i address the wish to be in skin-contact with someone, then i'll start moving my monogamy into having friends and they will suffice me. i did this until i was 23. they are not comparable and i feel that age takes a toll on the dating but not on the friendship catalog so maybe it's sane to wait-in-wish. after all i can be-friend children, teens, adults and even old old people. some days ago i sat with my neighbor to talk about life. he's 94. 3 years younger than grandad. i bet i would win a domino match against him too (i call myself domino-champ when i visit my grandad). anyway, enough of old farts. i'm thinking about Giovanna now. i typed a poem some days ago
(clouds can bliss by the way they move, they can start rain, storms and drags paragliders but you feel much more like the atmosphere, which can have them or not. i'm drunk and this isn't a voice note)
had 2 beers while staring at the sky. it sucks to be alone and wish someone. even a beer just puts me flying into wishing her lap or of some other crush that after a message or two and some days waiting, i return to fantasize Giovanna. because why not? if it's to wait someone then i guess i'm pretty used to her. i never waited someone. i recall when Tinder was just starting and it was doable to have matches. maybe it could be that i was better looking when young. i'm bald now and i look like a stick but i always looked like i stick. some people called me bamboo. i had plenty of matches but if i sent a message and had no answer for like 2-5 days, i moved away. last time i smoked pot was ~ 3 years ago because i know any psychedelic would put me thinking about wishing her (usually Giovanna), yet i still can keep up with the calmness of not cycling into the center of the city and starting a conversation on a bar and losing my skin to someone sexy. considering my standards of not wanting children, that edges an anti-natalist instance that despite: i skate on pedagogy (the most consumed topic on my quasi-ritualistic-daily podcast listening while i walk around) and toddlers naivety (i don't want to deal with someone who don't like kids. there are plenty on families and out there to not let yourself be a kid for a moment once again, right) and to add the cherry on top: vegan (by the way). in BRAZIL! all i got so far were good-vibe-types with decisions on respecting animal rights based on spirituality and whatever divine reasons. i do believe in floating rocks and what geology has to say about them. the soup of amino acids and the humbleness of not trying to guess and to not believe on the guess on how life started or why we are here. god if you are reading this, please throw me a hot woman that has Puredata or Csound installed at their box and plans to develop a custom OSC sequencer as their next Saturday project. BRING IT ON! so on that bench i imagined our first date: Giovanna appears from one of the corners and we hug and we may talk about why she left me on wait and no big deal, we go inside the museum. i'm not the type that likes kissing in public. and life just begun. then the desire morphed into a scenario where she appears from one of the corners and by seeing her i start crying. maybe i'm about to be get lucky. i hug her and maybe a quick kiss after i don't know hug long to finally the last fantasy-morph, where there's no physical space but she still manage to appear from one of the corners and i just magnet her cute little body (she is at least 180 cm tall by my guesses) and screw the hugs. i would kiss her on the cheek, forehead, at the cheek once again. at the mouth, at the nose at the mouth at the forehead and then a hug
i would judge me crazy or delusional from a third person perspective but it's not like if Idunn, Madeleine, Kathi, Quincy, Maddie or Amelie (not my grandma) sent me a message and just like the toggle that toggled myself on that day i was drinking coffee past midnight watching the stars (the electricity company was making a revision/upgrade on the grid, thus we having a hours long window of no light in the entire region) and had this crazy realization of "a partner would be darn cool" and i took some months to actually notify her with some flirt. she's intimidating. probably those girls who believe in horoscope and spend too much time on Instagram reels. part of my hesitance on poking her was because of that. i was just analyzing if the feeling would actually last. she's probably nadie of what i want yet she was a checkpoint on my life when she took me by the hand to play Just Dance when the idea of dating her was impossible. my delayed puberty started when i was in my late 17. the time we danced. she had a woman's body for quite a long time on that day. she's super pretty on my opinion, belongs to the elite and who am i to question her way of enjoying life. the only shared thing i would accept from her was actually if we fell in love and she decided to develop the video-game with me and i would sing a contract she has 50% of the copyright. i'm not looking for sugar. i would have a hard time accepting anything other than her companion. i don't feel at ease on expensive places. once i had to deal with a billionaire and i felt so humiliated by having negated my proposal of taking a small piece of land to grow watermelon and melons to start a small natural juice company that would probably just sell initially to the nearest district which probably had like 500 people. "gotta tinker to work in large scale otherwise no deal". i guess if we planted melons on 1% of his property we could feed half of Brazil demands. sometimes i think i'm glad dad only helped him to buy his first property decades ago and never got into the business of growing and growing. i highly doubt i wouldn't be lured to burn the Babylon if my parents were super rich and as far the plot goes, no matter how much i can archive: the highest fetish i can think about would be living a frugal type of life in a decent sailboat. no company i start will have a much bigger difference of 5 times the bottom salary from the top. guess living on a boat is a luxury anyway but i'll only make if i start a company that relies on donations from people of the world and if i actually develop courage (and if she wants it too). as i can't see myself developing the video-game alone for the rest of my life. it's too hard. i barely can keep up with a productive pace for the past 2 years. i love composing music and by loving i mean i hate. would rather turn into a fruit bat. and just like that: by some girl's message i would not think about Giovanna again. she's real but she's also invented and it's not like i desperately need someone. i kissed like 4 people on my entire life. i can work on parsing this wish into doing my little things and following the lead of my little life and as i get older and the dating pool gets smaller and possibly worse, i'll reach a tipping point like 2 women of my family: being fine on being alone. so i can backpack my little things and if someone awesome appears super late after all these giovanik years, i may think again and act like someone leaking and burning a loving body minus the eyes because i want to put it into a resin mold and use it in a DIY project of a custom trackball to play Minecraft while listening to podcasts as a mental gym of blocks and chunks of ideas! i guess using a Hbox container for merging the note menu is a good deal than overlapping the screen with a new window. maybe the OS should be absent of the concept of windows... it's 01:57 and i'll hike a mountain with my parents starting at 7:30. good night Giovanna, Talita, Ligia, Helena, Lin, Patricia, Idunn, Mary Holy Boobs, Maddie, Giovanna Brookmean, Giovanna Usefulclouds, Giovanna Flowerlips, Quincy, Kathi and i guess the most uber shark crush i ever had: Madeleine. or some name like that. she's an algae scientist from Sweden? but she lives in Australia and has the power (small chances but she may reads this blog) to start the protocol of turning me into a micro-algae in a glass tube with all the lights and the microscopic lenses augmenting her love-able-nebulous and sexy eyes looking at me trying to express a gene like: I'M YOURS I CAN HOLD MY BREATH 45 SECONDS TO HELP YOU ON YOUR OCEANIC EXPLORATIONS AND I KNOW IT AIN'T MUCH BUT I CAN GET BETTER AT THIS! ALGAE HAS LOTS OF OMEGA-3 AND PROTEIN, IS THIS KNOWLEDGE ENOUGH FOR STARTING E-MAILS EXCHANGE? I CAN MOVE MY BOOK READ OF DESERT ECOLOGY TO SOMETHING MARINE AND DEVELOP THE WORLD 2 AS AN UNDERWATER DUNGEON WITH OCEANIC FLORA! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY PAST 2 CREATIONS OF VEGETATION?
AND KEEP IN MIND THE POV OF qob IS MORE OR LESS DISTANT AS THIS (i'm not sure about plants scales here, it was a quick sketch)
I'M NOT A SEAHORSE I'M A HUMAN WITH NEEDS AND EVERYTHING FEELS TO FIT PERFECTLY FINE WITH A VEGAN (she's vegan by the way). I CAN FORGET THE BOAT IDEA. HOW DO YOU LIKE MY LAST HIKE SHOOTS? I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU!
(photo of the bench i still need to shoot)
i know, i should be over her but sometimes when loneliness hits late at night, i can't help myself and hug a blanket and fake i'm with someone. i still didn't addressed treating this with any mental exercise, like an active deviation of thoughts or substituting the giovanna-target to someone like the new-neighbor that just came to live here (she's a bit old) or a Russian-traits mom (Yasmin's mother) or i-don't know. if i address the wish to be in skin-contact with someone, then i'll start moving my monogamy into having friends and they will suffice me. i did this until i was 23. they are not comparable and i feel that age takes a toll on the dating but not on the friendship catalog so maybe it's sane to wait-in-wish. after all i can be-friend children, teens, adults and even old old people. some days ago i sat with my neighbor to talk about life. he's 94. 3 years younger than grandad. i bet i would win a domino match against him too (i call myself domino-champ when i visit my grandad). anyway, enough of old farts. i'm thinking about Giovanna now. i typed a poem some days ago
(clouds can bliss by the way they move, they can start rain, storms and drags paragliders but you feel much more like the atmosphere, which can have them or not. i'm drunk and this isn't a voice note)
had 2 beers while staring at the sky. it sucks to be alone and wish someone. even a beer just puts me flying into wishing her lap or of some other crush that after a message or two and some days waiting, i return to fantasize Giovanna. because why not? if it's to wait someone then i guess i'm pretty used to her. i never waited someone. i recall when Tinder was just starting and it was doable to have matches. maybe it could be that i was better looking when young. i'm bald now and i look like a stick but i always looked like i stick. some people called me bamboo. i had plenty of matches but if i sent a message and had no answer for like 2-5 days, i moved away. last time i smoked pot was ~ 3 years ago because i know any psychedelic would put me thinking about wishing her (usually Giovanna), yet i still can keep up with the calmness of not cycling into the center of the city and starting a conversation on a bar and losing my skin to someone sexy. considering my standards of not wanting children, that edges an anti-natalist instance that despite: i skate on pedagogy (the most consumed topic on my quasi-ritualistic-daily podcast listening while i walk around) and toddlers naivety (i don't want to deal with someone who don't like kids. there are plenty on families and out there to not let yourself be a kid for a moment once again, right) and to add the cherry on top: vegan (by the way). in BRAZIL! all i got so far were good-vibe-types with decisions on respecting animal rights based on spirituality and whatever divine reasons. i do believe in floating rocks and what geology has to say about them. the soup of amino acids and the humbleness of not trying to guess and to not believe on the guess on how life started or why we are here. god if you are reading this, please throw me a hot woman that has Puredata or Csound installed at their box and plans to develop a custom OSC sequencer as their next Saturday project. BRING IT ON! so on that bench i imagined our first date: Giovanna appears from one of the corners and we hug and we may talk about why she left me on wait and no big deal, we go inside the museum. i'm not the type that likes kissing in public. and life just begun. then the desire morphed into a scenario where she appears from one of the corners and by seeing her i start crying. maybe i'm about to be get lucky. i hug her and maybe a quick kiss after i don't know hug long to finally the last fantasy-morph, where there's no physical space but she still manage to appear from one of the corners and i just magnet her cute little body (she is at least 180 cm tall by my guesses) and screw the hugs. i would kiss her on the cheek, forehead, at the cheek once again. at the mouth, at the nose at the mouth at the forehead and then a hug
i would judge me crazy or delusional from a third person perspective but it's not like if Idunn, Madeleine, Kathi, Quincy, Maddie or Amelie (not my grandma) sent me a message and just like the toggle that toggled myself on that day i was drinking coffee past midnight watching the stars (the electricity company was making a revision/upgrade on the grid, thus we having a hours long window of no light in the entire region) and had this crazy realization of "a partner would be darn cool" and i took some months to actually notify her with some flirt. she's intimidating. probably those girls who believe in horoscope and spend too much time on Instagram reels. part of my hesitance on poking her was because of that. i was just analyzing if the feeling would actually last. she's probably nadie of what i want yet she was a checkpoint on my life when she took me by the hand to play Just Dance when the idea of dating her was impossible. my delayed puberty started when i was in my late 17. the time we danced. she had a woman's body for quite a long time on that day. she's super pretty on my opinion, belongs to the elite and who am i to question her way of enjoying life. the only shared thing i would accept from her was actually if we fell in love and she decided to develop the video-game with me and i would sing a contract she has 50% of the copyright. i'm not looking for sugar. i would have a hard time accepting anything other than her companion. i don't feel at ease on expensive places. once i had to deal with a billionaire and i felt so humiliated by having negated my proposal of taking a small piece of land to grow watermelon and melons to start a small natural juice company that would probably just sell initially to the nearest district which probably had like 500 people. "gotta tinker to work in large scale otherwise no deal". i guess if we planted melons on 1% of his property we could feed half of Brazil demands. sometimes i think i'm glad dad only helped him to buy his first property decades ago and never got into the business of growing and growing. i highly doubt i wouldn't be lured to burn the Babylon if my parents were super rich and as far the plot goes, no matter how much i can archive: the highest fetish i can think about would be living a frugal type of life in a decent sailboat. no company i start will have a much bigger difference of 5 times the bottom salary from the top. guess living on a boat is a luxury anyway but i'll only make if i start a company that relies on donations from people of the world and if i actually develop courage (and if she wants it too). as i can't see myself developing the video-game alone for the rest of my life. it's too hard. i barely can keep up with a productive pace for the past 2 years. i love composing music and by loving i mean i hate. would rather turn into a fruit bat. and just like that: by some girl's message i would not think about Giovanna again. she's real but she's also invented and it's not like i desperately need someone. i kissed like 4 people on my entire life. i can work on parsing this wish into doing my little things and following the lead of my little life and as i get older and the dating pool gets smaller and possibly worse, i'll reach a tipping point like 2 women of my family: being fine on being alone. so i can backpack my little things and if someone awesome appears super late after all these giovanik years, i may think again and act like someone leaking and burning a loving body minus the eyes because i want to put it into a resin mold and use it in a DIY project of a custom trackball to play Minecraft while listening to podcasts as a mental gym of blocks and chunks of ideas! i guess using a Hbox container for merging the note menu is a good deal than overlapping the screen with a new window. maybe the OS should be absent of the concept of windows... it's 01:57 and i'll hike a mountain with my parents starting at 7:30. good night Giovanna, Talita, Ligia, Helena, Lin, Patricia, Idunn, Mary Holy Boobs, Maddie, Giovanna Brookmean, Giovanna Usefulclouds, Giovanna Flowerlips, Quincy, Kathi and i guess the most uber shark crush i ever had: Madeleine. or some name like that. she's an algae scientist from Sweden? but she lives in Australia and has the power (small chances but she may reads this blog) to start the protocol of turning me into a micro-algae in a glass tube with all the lights and the microscopic lenses augmenting her love-able-nebulous and sexy eyes looking at me trying to express a gene like: I'M YOURS I CAN HOLD MY BREATH 45 SECONDS TO HELP YOU ON YOUR OCEANIC EXPLORATIONS AND I KNOW IT AIN'T MUCH BUT I CAN GET BETTER AT THIS! ALGAE HAS LOTS OF OMEGA-3 AND PROTEIN, IS THIS KNOWLEDGE ENOUGH FOR STARTING E-MAILS EXCHANGE? I CAN MOVE MY BOOK READ OF DESERT ECOLOGY TO SOMETHING MARINE AND DEVELOP THE WORLD 2 AS AN UNDERWATER DUNGEON WITH OCEANIC FLORA! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY PAST 2 CREATIONS OF VEGETATION?
AND KEEP IN MIND THE POV OF qob IS MORE OR LESS DISTANT AS THIS (i'm not sure about plants scales here, it was a quick sketch)
I'M NOT A SEAHORSE I'M A HUMAN WITH NEEDS AND EVERYTHING FEELS TO FIT PERFECTLY FINE WITH A VEGAN (she's vegan by the way). I CAN FORGET THE BOAT IDEA. HOW DO YOU LIKE MY LAST HIKE SHOOTS? I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU!